I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my phone needs a breathalizer
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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