I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
