God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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