Just mADE A PArabola og urine
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
