You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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