OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
