I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
cat food counts as protein by the way
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
