There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
