i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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