Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
