She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Please don't give away my fajitas
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