I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
