so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
