Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
