woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
