well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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