im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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