I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
