I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
