The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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