it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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