I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
