I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
