i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
