Where did you get a picture of my penis
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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