When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
