my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
