At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
