At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
