How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
