you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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