well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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