I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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