i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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