I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's blow job season.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize