I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
