I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize