A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
