you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
