I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She even gives head with a lisp.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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