cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
