I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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