then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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