its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
