he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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