i permit you to call me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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