I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
