So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
