i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
