i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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