note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
