Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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