I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if only i could text you this smell
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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