I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it hurts more in the daytime
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
