Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
