Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
