just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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