I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
