The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
