I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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