Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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