How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just found puke in my bra..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
