It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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