I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
