I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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