Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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