i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
