hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
