we have officially lost it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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